I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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