Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
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