Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
