yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
