I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
