I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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