ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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