Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
