Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
