Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize