Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize