The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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