What did we do last night that was yellow?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
