what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Dear god my vagina.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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