I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
