this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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