is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
