I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
