He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
