I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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