Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
