Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
