Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
