i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
