at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
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