I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
