does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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