When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
