Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
