C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
