I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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