did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
