these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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