I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just pee around me
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
