Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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