Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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