so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
