What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
