ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
