Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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