I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
