Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm too high and old for this...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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