it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We are two peas in an std pod
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
