I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
