So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
