just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
