For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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