with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
