hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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