either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
did you just send me my own nude
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
