Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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