I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
