You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
