I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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