after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
