for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
