just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
