Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
