hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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