I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize