if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
