Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
