She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
