I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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