Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
