I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
