pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
