i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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