My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
