So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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