maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
